Dear God......what am I doing?

It's a beautiful fall Thursday! The sun is shining, the leaves are changing and the world is still and quiet.
My 2 year old daughter is screaming in the back seat of my car as if she has a demon in her and I am bawling. I can hardly see the road through the tears streaming down my cheeks. She continues to scream and I continue to cry.......


Dear God.....what am I doing???
I think to myself.


We've just attended her first gymnastics class of 6 that I have paid for. This is her first class ever of any kind. Her daddy and I are so excited for this opportunity for her to move, dance, sing, play with other kids and have fun. She shows remarkable enthusiasm but has a hard time focusing on the teacher led activities. When her dad or I try to focus her she melts. She is the only child in the room crying. The teacher says it's okay if they don't follow along, it will take awhile for them to be able to focus. I keep telling myself this is her very first class, she is overwhelmed and back away a little. She shows some interest but still can't focus for too long.


It's time for the kids to follow the teacher in a line through the obstacle course. This is going to be interesting I think to myself. My child tries to cut in line and when I try to explain that she needs to wait her turn, she melts and runs off. The teacher takes down several exercise balls for the kids to play with but there aren't enough for each kid, my child melts when she doesn't have one. I try to explain we share.  From here on out, its one thing after another with her screaming and crying and me just melting inside.


We sit off on the side and I try to explain things to her while she screams - look at all the other kids having fun and listening to the teacher. Do you want to do that? Every time she tries to rejoin the group something causes her to melt.


The class is over and she is screaming at the top of her lungs for Daddy (who had to leave a bit early for work) as we walk through the gym. All eyes on us! I smile and try to remain calm.


PLease don't cry
I think to myself over and over.


The walk to the car takes hours and is filmed in slow motion.


As I put her in her seat and tell her she can't watch TV (that's a reward for good behavior) or have her friend lion (someone told me to take stuff away as punishment) her head spins, her eyes turn green and she erupts.


This rest of our morning has been spent in separate corners - she's playing happily by herself in her playroom and I sit here wondering where I have gone wrong with fits of hysteria in between each thought.


I hope some day, when my child is a flourishing gymnast,  I will be able to look back on this post and giggle but until then, I remain


CLUELESS